Three Years Later...

Corey here....

It has been three years since we first applied with our adoption agency to begin this process.  At that time, they were estimating that from the time we completed all of our paperwork (which we did in April 2011), it would take about 7-11 months before we received a referral.  It has now been almost 30 months since we finished all of that paperwork and we still have not received our referral.  Never mind the “why” of that time increase – processes have changed and the wait has just increased and we are still very happy with and thankful for our agency.  It is the same across the board for all that are going through the adoption process in Ethiopia as far as we know.  We are certainly not alone in this. 

 In some time with the Lord recently, I was lamenting that I was sick and tired of all the waiting.  This was not the first time I had expressed that, both to the Lord and to others.  However, this time the Lord had a word for me and it was this, “Not as sick and tired of it as she is.”  Don’t read that and hear it in a tone that is accusatory or guilt-laden.  It was gentle and sorrowful and convicting all in one – I asked the Lord’s forgiveness.  It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with being tired of the wait, it was that my weariness had a competing object: myself.  Don’t get me wrong, there is constantly this agony of knowing that my daughter waits for me, but now something else had crept into the picture.  It was simply that I began to feel a right to be tired of waiting because of what I was going through and not because of what she was going through.  Whatever stage of life she is currently in, she is either in or soon will go through a valley that is shadowed.  She will struggle to develop, to attach, to be heard, to be comforted, to be cradled and several other things that no child should have to experience. 

 I have heard and read the adoption stories of many others and read clinical and instructional books and articles on adoption.  One thing I am learning:  part of the calling of an adopted parent is to suffer your child’s story alongside of them.  The problem is that it is easy to believe that begins when your child comes home.  The truth that the Lord showed me is that it begins when you say “yes” to adoption.  We are suffering her story right now with her even though we haven’t even seen her face.  We are waiting just like she is and we agonize with what she is or will be going through.  We grieve because of what she experiences before we are able to bring her home - not for us, but for her.  Our story as a family has already begun because we are sharing these moments.  We long for the day when she comes home and we can share in a new chapter or our family’s story.

 

Good Friday Revelations

Two posts in one week - its an Easter miracle!

Yesterday while I was running in the pre-dawn darkness (the time & place God speaks to me most), I was reflecting on how two years ago Good Friday was the date we were DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) and officially on the wait list. Though our official date is April 22, still a month out, it seems God uses this occasion to speak truth to my heart. So, I started asking Him what it was that He wanted me to hear this year.

In 2011 it was all about His goodness on Good Friday, Jesus's sacrifice that makes me a child of God, His adopted daughter. It was a great reminder that adoption is my story too, and that God is giving me a chance to live that out with my adopted daughter. How cool is that! And in 2012, a year in the waiting, He gently led me to the cross and reminded me that redemption is not without sacrifice. In a small way, I saw how we are sharing in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory (Romans 8:17).

This year, the word he gave me was "sufficiency". He is enough! I reflected on how God has been speaking that to my heart for a while now, that my peace, joy, and trust in Him are not dependent on my circumstances going my way, but on Him. He will supply my every need.

And this is how good God is: I am doing a Bible study with some ladies at church and we are working through Max Lucado's latest book entitled Grace. For some strange reason none of us could quite figure out, we skipped chapter 8 last week that should have come next in our study and moved on to 9 and 10. So this morning I sat down to ready chapter 8 and was blown away by what I read. First, Max tells the story of a family I actually know and a situation I had specifically prayed for when it happened. I had heard of God's faithfulness to their family when it happened, but it was a sweet blessing to read about it again & hear that testimony. And then I read this:

Paul's life underscored this truth. He wrote, "There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'" (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).

A thorn in the flesh. Such vivid imagery..."Take it away," you've pleaded. Not once, twice, or even three times. You've outprayed Paul. He prayed a sprint; you've prayed the Boston Marathon. And you're about to hit the wall at mile nineteen. The wound radiates pain, and you see no sign of tweezers coming from heaven. But what you hear is this: "My grace is sufficient for you."

 Grace takes on an added dimension here. Paul is referring to sustaining grace. Saving grace saves us from our sins. Sustaining grace meets us at our point of need and equips us with courage, wisdom and strength. It surprises us in the middle of our personal transatlantic flights with ample resources of faith. Sustaining grace promises not the absence of struggle but the presence of God. (Max Lucado, Grace, p. 98)


Isn't God amazing? We just "happened" to skip that chapter. It is surely no coincidence that he had given me that very word yesterday, then reminded me today, of all days, of that very same principle. He is sufficient! I see that as confirmation from the Lord that this is what He wants me to rest in today and in the days that follow as we continue to wait with expectation for our baby girl. I am overwhelmed by His goodness and how He wants to speak to my heart and show me how He has given me everything I need and I can trust Him with the unknowns.

Oh - and this morning, we moved another spot on both lists: we are now16 for an infant, 5 for a toddler...His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!

Confession...and encouragement!

Confession: in the past few months, I have grown tired. Soul weary, in fact. A little discouraged even. The intensity of what started in our hearts in August of 2010 has never gone away, but I confess, it has waned a bit. Keeping the level of passion we first felt for adoption would have been pretty difficult to sustain. Don't hear me saying we aren't still all in - never once have we questioned whether this is where God is leading us. We are confident in His direction, and we know there is a baby girl waiting in Ethiopia for her forever family, and that we are that family. I praise God for His grace in allowing us to never grow bitter or decide this is just too hard and give up. 

In 5 months we moved 3 spots on the unofficial wait list. 3. I can't tell you how many times people would ask how things were going on the adoption front & my answer has been the same - "no movement". I don't ever want people to stop asking...I just want the answers to be different! I have been thankful for the gift of psalms of lament that give voice (and permission!) to be soul weary. In particular, Psalm 13 has resonated with me:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer me, O Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I read those words first in June of 2011 & felt they were true for me even then. Nearly 2 years later, they still ring true. But what I love about this Psalm is what comes next:

But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord

for he has been good to me.

Even in the midst of discouragement and despair, it is possible to still choose to trust in the Lord. Not in circumstances or how they will change, but in HIM. Regardless of how things play out, He is good. He loves me, he saved me, he has been exceedingly good to me. And He is worthy of praise, even in this long wait. Jesus is enough.

Our small group recently did a series of lessons on prayer, and Corey and I both came away from it convicted that our prayers have not been bold enough. We decided we would start asking the Lord to bring our baby girl home in 2013, and we've been asking others to join us. We know He might not choose to answer our prayer in the way we hope, and if He does not, we will trust Him in that. But we want to ask, because we believe He can do it, and if He chooses to answer in that way, all glory will be to Him. We also felt convicted that we not only need to pray more boldly, but we need to step out in faith. Those books we have been supposed to be reading in preparation (that have been piling up on the bedside table) need to be dusted off & read with renewed enthusiasm. 

This isn't even all of them!

That bedroom that has been sitting half finished for two years...well, its time to prepare a place for our youngest daughter. 

I think of all the bedding I've had for my 4 girls, this is my favorite yet!

So, bedding has been bought, furniture painted, and my heart has opened a little wider to the possibility that it may not remain empty much longer. Its a risky bet, putting my heart on the line when I've had to protect it for so long. But she is worth the risk! My faith is in God alone, and He is trustworthy. He will keep His promises. And I will hold my baby girl in His timing. 

We began to pray that prayer, and a few weeks later, within two weeks, we moved 8 spots on the wait list! Number 17 for a baby girl, 6 for a toddler. Amazing! We see this as a true answer to prayer by many people of faith who are interceding on our behalf. It is some much needed encouragement to press on, to keep the faith!

Each heart represents a child that has found their forever family...we tear one off for each spot we move on the wait list (thanks again Aunt Holly!)

So its a hope, guarded though it may be, that this is the year we will see that sweet face. This is the third year we have started the year with our plans on hold, thinking we need to save vacation days for the possibility of a trip to Africa. But what we are learning is that when life is in limbo, when things are uncertain, we are far more likely to cling to the One who never changes. And that's a good place to be... we are confident in this, that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6)!

Still here...

Those who know me well are not surprised that its been 8 months since I last posted...blogging isn't my thing (though I've written about 20 posts in my head since then - that counts, right?!?).

Lately I am starting to get more and more questions like, "Are you still doing that adoption thing?" so I figured its time to get out there again. And to answer that question, yes, we are still doing that adoption thing! In October we hit the two year mark since this journey officially began. It's crazy to think that Lila wasn't even two yet!

This is the day we told them they were going to have a new sister from Africa! Such babies...

This cutie just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago, which makes it seem like a LONG time that we've been waiting. We constantly get the question, "Why is it taking so long???" which is a question with no easy answer except to say this is a spiritual battle. The Enemy knows that adoption is at its heart the message of the gospel and he is doing everything in his power to frustrate the system. But we press on, knowing that the battle belongs to the Lord, and that he is victorious. We talk to our girls about what it means to persevere, and we constantly ask the Lord to show us what He wants to do in us while we wait. Patience is a lesson we are getting to learn daily. And I can truly say that (most days!) we are at peace with where God has us in this process. We continue to go back to the call that he gave us, knowing that this is completely from him, by him, and for him, and that he will do it in his perfect timing. We have confidence in knowing that one day we will look back and see exactly why he asked us to wait. There are still moments of frustration, sadness and longing, but our depth of trust in our Savior is increasing day by day.

So here are the facts at this point:

• we have been on the wait list since April 2011 making that a full 20 months on the wait list (add 6 months of paperwork to that and we its more like 26 months of waiting)
• our wait times have been increased again from 18-24 months to referral from DTE (on the wait list) to 24-30 months, making April the earliest we could expect a referral and October of 2013 the longest. Clearly, in our experience this is still subject to change. But we are hopeful that 2013 will be the year!
• we increased our age request from a girl 0-12 months old to a girl 0-24 months old. Our intention has always been that she would be our youngest. Now that Lila is 4, we felt God's leading to open ourselves up to a little bit older child.
• we are unofficially number 25 on the wait list for an infant (0-18 months) and number 10 on the wait list for a toddler (19-24 months). There is no way of knowing which list will move more quickly as the movement has been very sporadic and unpredictable.
• we continue to have confidence in the integrity of our agency, AWAA. We believe that though our process may be longer than some in other agencies, we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our child is a true orphan in need of a family and that there will be nothing illegal or unethical about the process we participate in (which is sadly becoming more and more rare in Ethiopia). This is very important to us as Christ-followers who are not just concerned about getting a baby as quickly as possible, but want to ensure that the process is a good one that allows the most children possible to come into loving forever families.

God has been at work in us, as always, teaching us, challenging us, and hopefully shaping us more into the family he wants us to be for our baby girl.  These three girls are teaching me a great lesson about trusting in God: I keep thinking that one of them will question whether or not this is ever going to happen. It's hard for little minds to comprehend how long a typical pregnancy is, much less one at least 3 times that long! Lila and Addie don't remember a time when they weren't waiting for their baby sister. And nearly every night one of the girls prays, "God, please bring our baby girl home soon!". Their childlike faith reminds me that God keeps his promises. He is trustworthy. She will come home one day, and we can wait in expectation for the answer to our prayers.

One year DTE-versary

One year today (actually yesterday...didn't get this posted in time!). Well, technically 18 months since we began the process, but one year ago today we were DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) and officially on the wait list for our baby girl. At that time, our wait times were estimated at 7-10 months from DTE to referral, when we would be matched with a baby. In July of last year, that increased to 11-18 months, and not too long ago it was increased again to 18-24 months. What a difference a year can make! At this point, best case scenario is that we would receive a referral in October; worst case, a year from now. And the truth is, we suspect the wait times will continue to increase.

I have to be honest - this is not what we signed up for. We had hoped and dreamed that by now we would be home with our littlest Russell & learning to live as a family of 6. There is a real temptation to grow frustrated and bitter, to grow weary of waiting. But God is trying to teach us many things through this waiting, not the least of all that we are not in control of anything! We can trust Him with His timing, even if we cannot understand it. I am also learning through this and in other situations, that, as I often tell my girls, I can choose my attitude :). A big part of that for me is what I am focusing on - often the thoughts in my head lead my heart, and if I'm not careful, I can stray into dangerous territory!

So, today I am not going to feel sorry for myself, or be angry at the broken system, or frustrated with my inability to plan my life, or heartbroken over the fact that children everywhere are living in orphanages while families like mine are doing everything in their power to bring them into forever families. There is a time and a place for those things (and tomorrow might be that day), but today, I am choosing thankfulness. God is good, and throughout this past year, He has proven Himself to me again and again. He has not forgotten us, or our daughter! So here are a few ways I have been so blessed this past year, and what I am thankful for today:

My marriage.

Almost 13 years ago we started this journey together! I am so thankful God gave me a man who daily sacrifices himself for me and our girls, and who follows the leading of the Lord wherever that may be. And, he makes me laugh! I couldn't be more blessed.

My girls.

While we wait for the 4th of our blessings to arrive, I'm trying not to miss out on the joy of the three God has already given me. Every day is full of challenges and gifts. They are a mess, and I love it (well, most days!). More on this pic in a moment...

Our family.

Over Christmas, my parents were in town & wanted to do something for the baby. They spent countless hours and at least 5 coats of paint covering the brown that used to be on the walls of the nursery. This room is in a weird sort of limbo...it sits empty, waiting to be filled. It's a reminder both of what we are missing, and what we are hoping for. Now, I look at the freshly painted light pink walls & it makes me happy. There is much to be done in that room, but the transformation has begun. Some day, we will know when she will be coming home, what age she will be, and how to complete it to be perfectly suited for her. Thanks Mom & Dad for getting us started & for believing with us that she is coming! We are so grateful that both sets of grandparents are anxious to meet their next granddaughter. They bless us daily.

My sister.

It's hard to even begin to say all the ways she has supported us since this journey began. Outside of our immediate family, she is Baby Girl's biggest fan. Recently, she sent this precious paper chain made of hearts that we can tear off each time we move a space on the wait list...we've moved down and then up again a few times (its complicated!), but at the moment, there are 40 little hearts waiting to be removed until its our turn to meet our daughter. As we tear each one off, I love thinking of the child represented by the heart who has found their forever family. Its a great visual reminder of the children whose lives are being changed by adoption. Holly makes sure we know that we and our baby girl are never far from her heart!

Our friends.

I cannot imagine having a better support system as we wait & anticipate the joys & challenges that come with adoption. I know there are few people who have such love and support, and I do not take it for granted. Their thoughtfulness touches my heart often. We have had countless prayers offered on our behalf, received many notes of encouragement and appreciate so much the questions about how its going, even when there are no good answers to report. Here are just a few of the examples of how our friends have blessed us this year:

One sweet friend, Suzanne, called me out of the blue & offered to bring dinner for my family. When she found out I had family in town, she wasn't fazed, and promptly marched over two entire chickens, multiple sides and desserts...enough food for 20 people! She was inspired by Jen Hatmaker's blog post http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village (an incredible read by the way - Jen adopted two Ethiopian children through AWAA as well) and she took it upon herself to be our "village". Suzanne is just that wonderful.

Another precious group of friends knew that several months back I was having a hard time grappling with the fact that the wait was going to be much longer than we expected. I was caught completely off guard when I showed up to a friend's house to find a "Nesting" shower complete with precious gifts for Baby Girl and blessings they wrote to her and to me. I don't think I could ever appropriately thank them for their thoughtfulness, and for making me feel so loved! I don't deserve such overwhelming blessings...thank you Jesus.

A few of the blessings from that evening:

This booklet from my sister was full of sweet pictures, quotes, scriptures and her own thoughts.

Our nest was filled with a sweet onesie, burp cloth & bib...I can't wait until I have a little one to use them.

And of course, again, my sister. This is the sweetest little doll - so soft & snuggly. Baby girl is going to love it (and it is put safely away so her sisters won't abuse it before she gets the chance!).

Yesterday, we commemorated our DTE-versary, as we are calling it, by releasing hundreds of little ladybugs in our backyard. We all said a few words about our baby and we prayed over her and our family. Corey explained to the girls that soon, we won't even see these tiny bugs, but we know that they are there. In a similar way, we know that even though we can't see our baby girl, we know by faith that she is there, and we will trust God to bring her home to us. Every time we see a ladybug we can be reminded of His promise that there is a little girl out there who is spoken for. She is a Russell, even if we don't see her yet! So, the analogy might be a bit of a stretch, but it was a sweet moment that we hope the girls will remember. 

Congratulations if you have made it through this post :). I do want to acknowledge God's work in our lives for others to see and be encouraged to follow where he leads, but one of my main goals here is to preserve some of our history for our family's sake. It's a story I don't want to be forgotten. 

One last note: last year, the day when we were officially DTE was Good Friday. I remember thinking and even writing on this blog about how wonderful it was that our day was connected to God's goodness in sending His son, to our own adoption as His children. Those things remain true, but this year, I was struck by something else: redemption is not without sacrifice. A year ago, I thought by now I would be holding my baby girl in my arms. A year ago, I could not have anticipated that our wait would be at least 3 times as long as we had first thought. And a year ago, I didn't understand as much what it meant to follow Jesus. I still have so much to learn, but this year has shown me a little bit of what it looks like to pick up my cross daily; He never said it would be easy. But it never changes His promises! He is good. His love never fails. His mercies are new every morning- great is His faithfulness.

The Puzzle Pieces

Corey here...

When we first started this adoption journey, I had a vision of God creating this little girl on the other side of the world specifically for our family.  He obviously knows the exact situation that she will be born into and knows exactly the circumstances that will make her an orphan.  It makes sense that in all of His knowledge and wisdom (and obviously knowing she is eventually going to be a part of our family) that He would create her in a way that would fit perfectly into our family....right?

Probably not.

I believe that God's original plan and design is for babies to be with their birth families.  However, our world is a broken one and because of that there are broken families and orphans.  I believe that adoption is one of the ways He redeems this brokeness.  God is in the redemption business.

Right now, our family looks like a six piece puzzle.  Five of those pieces are put together and there is just one piece missing.  It is tempting to think that the Craftsman creating this puzzle in His workshop is going to take the last piece he is making and cut it out and sand it down so that it fits perfectly with the other pieces.  Voila, the puzzle is complete.

I don't think so.

I'm not even sure that our baby girl is being created at all to fit into our family.  I don't know that God has created her for any family beyond a plan for her to be with her birth family.  How could I possibly know that?  Let me tell you what I do know though - our current family is being formed for her.   We are being re-cut, sanded down, glued up and re-painted so that we can be the family that this little girl needs.  There is no doubt that she will also be changed and re-formed as she becomes a Russell.  The puzzle is going to come together to make something beautiful, but not without some change (and pain).  I know this because as we wait, I can see it happening.  I can see how He is re-shaping all of us - we are not the same pieces we were when we started this journey 17 months ago.  It's a good thing we aren't because she is going to need a family that can struggle through her journey and story with her.  It's not something that we knew how to do (and still don't, but we're learning a few things).  They didn't cover raising an adopted daughter of a different race in the marriage and family classes at ACU (I'm not even sure I took one of those, but it sounds good and makes the point).  We're going to be walking by faith that the Holy Spirit will be doing much of the work no matter how much we learn anyway.  So, while it is hard to wait, there is some comfort in knowing that this is not idle time.  The Craftsman is doing His work on us - forming us so that we will fit perfectly around her to make our family. We could use a lot of re-modeling anyway if we're going to look more like Jesus.

All In

I've had so many thoughts swirling around in my head the past few weeks...where to begin? It may take several posts, so I'll just go with the latest! So, its been more than a year since we began this journey - at least the "official" journey. And I have to say that it seems that we are farther away from our goal of bringing our baby girl home than ever! We are constantly asked where we are in the process and the answer is always the same, "Nothing new to report. Its just slow!". There are some complicated issues within the country of Ethiopia and even within the US embassy there that I honestly don't completely understand because I haven't worked that hard to sort through.

This is not what we thought we were signing up for...but then again, I think we somewhat expected that (that makes total sense...right?!?). To clarify, as we've said before, this whole adoption thing was never our idea. It came straight from the mouth of God and into our lives and has not let us go since! I was talking to a sweet friend recently who has walked this path before who helped bring some clarity to what we are experiencing. She reminded me that we must continually go back to what God has called us to. Any disappointments, discouragement or doubt that we are experiencing is likely based not on the things He has promised us, but on those places where He was silent, where He has asked us to have faith, and where we have tended to "fill in the blanks" with our own expectations of how this whole thing will play out. In our case, we know without a doubt that the Lord called us to adoption. He has laid a baby girl on our hearts. And she is from Africa. These are the things we believe God has clearly told us, promised us, even. He never said she would be here within a year, or two, or even three. There are many other "gray" areas in there that leave a lot of room for the unknown...we just have to trust that His word is true, that His plan for us is good, and that we can rest in WHATEVER that looks like. Even if that means our baby girl comes home when I'm 40. Which apparently is much closer than I would like to admit :).

Twice in the past week God has reminded me of the story of Abraham and Sarah, how God promised them a child in their youth, but that they were old when that promise was fulfilled. I sincerely hope He is not asking me to wait until I'm 70 to give me the child He has planned for me! But He reminded me that His promises never fail. And that His plans are far better than what I have imagined. I just have to trust Him in the mean time and, you know, try not to bring in a mistress to "help" God with his plan :).

My precious friend, Sharon Washburn, passed from this life to the next just a few weeks ago. She was an incredible woman of faith whose journey to heaven has forever changed how I view death, and my perspective on the brevity of life. As her daughter Randi told me, she was so ready for eternity with the Father that she was ready to unzip the mortal body that was holding her back & run into the arms of Jesus! That is not to say she wasn't sad about leaving behind her precious family - she was honest about the sadness she felt in saying goodbye to them for a time. Her legacy means so many things to me and to thousands of others whose lives were eternally blessed by hers!

A few weeks before she passed away we were blessed to have the chance to bring her & Mike a meal & have a few uninterrupted moments with them. I have always treasured time I have had at her feet, but this time was even more precious to me. Sharon & I had a few minutes just the two of us, and in true Sharon-form, she was quick to encourage me & lead me to the Lord. She told me that as she had struggled through the battle with the cancer that was eating away at her body God had impressed on her this verse: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31). She said strength is found in the hoping, in the waiting...not in getting the answer we want, when we want it. Sharon wanted healing, hoped for a physical answer to her prayers. God answered, but not in the way we all had desired! But she knew that His way was best, and that He was strengthening her to the very end, using her for His glory. She praised God until her last breath, trusting Him to be sovereign and to work all things for her good.

I don't think I will ever forget those moments at her table or the words she spoke to me. Our journeys are very different, and my waiting is in no way comparable to the road Sharon and all those who loved her walked. But she was right - if I allow Him to do it, God will strengthen me as I hope in Him and wait on His perfect timing in bringing our baby girl home to us. It is my choice to remember the call He gave to us, the truth in His word, and the promises He has given, and to wait patiently on the Lord. I won't say that will always be easy. But there is peace in the knowing that He who has begun a good work in me will carry it on until the day of completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

We are all in. Whatever that looks like. However long it takes. No matter how hard it gets. Baby girl, you are ours! Wherever you are, whatever your name is (now), you are fearfully and wonderfully made! All the days ordained for you were written in God's book before one of them came to be (or will come to be!). And he knows the very day we will hold you in our arms and begin life with you. You are worth waiting for!

Orphan Sunday

Corey here...

This Sunday is "Orphan Sunday."  Take me back 2 years ago and I would have had no idea what you were talking about when you told me that "Orphan Sunday" was coming up.  Orphan Sunday is a national day where "thousands of events echo across America and around the globe, all sharing a single goal: that God’s great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well." You can find out more about it here...http://orphansunday.org/

So, take a stroll over to that website on Sunday and watch some of their videos (go to the "Resources" tab and then scroll down to the bottom for the videos).  Let your heart break for the orphans and pray for them.  While you're at it, do me a favor and pray for us on that day.  We're not exactly sure when our daughter was/will be born, but if the current estimates are correct, it will probably be around now.  The amount of nutrition that a baby receives in those first few weeks is critical to development - pray that she gets that nutrition.  Pray for a safe and healthy birth for her and for her bio mom.  Oh - and pray that things start speeding up a little bit with the adoption process in Ethiopia.  We have a couple of families that are friends of ours that have been on the waitlist for much over a year (compared to our 6 months) and we know they are aching for that phone call.

movement

52


We started at number 56 on the (unofficial) wait list in April...moving 4 spots in almost 5 months was not what we had in mind, but we'll take it! I'm trying not to think about how long it would actually be if this trend continues. Praise God for movement!

On another note, Lila has started praying for her baby sister. She asks God every day that He will be with her baby sister, and that He will help her sleep well. So sweet :). She's going to be a great big sister someday!

While We're Waiting...

Here's a quick look at the busyness of the summer here in the Russell household:

 Destin, Florida with our dear friends, the Walton family

 Cousins camp with the Russell side of the family

Jackson Hole, WY with my (Julia's) parents 

 Swimming with friends 

Cabo for our 12th Anniversary 

Summer Spectacular at the Hills

Memorial Day with our dear friends the Van Staverns & Walters 

A visit from & to my sister & her sweet boys 

A special time with adopting friends  

Swimming with the Johnson cousins

Its been a very full summer with several trips to fun places, many visits from friends and family, and lots and LOTS of swimming! It has been a blessing to get to spend time with so many of the people we dearly love. The summer has gone by so quickly that I just haven't taken the time to update what is going on on the adoption front. The busyness of the summer and life in general help a bit in this season of waiting!  People have been so sweet to ask what the status is of our adoption, and I'm sure they get tired of hearing, "we're just waiting!" but that's pretty much still the story. 

On August 22, we will have been on the official waiting list for a baby girl from Ethiopia for 4 months. And August 23 marks the year anniversary since God rocked our world & we began this journey of adoption. It's incredible to think all that God has done in our lives in the past year...and incredibly frustrating to know that we are not much closer to our baby girl than we were then. When we were DTE (dossier to ethiopia - adoption speak for on the waiting list!) the wait time for a baby girl was 7-10 months to referral (being matched with a child). Sometime in early July we got an email letting us know that our wait times have been extended to 11-18 months. That would put us at receiving a referral no earlier than March of 2012...and possibly as late as October. There is a very real possibility we may not bring our baby girl home until some time in 2013. It's kind of like being pregnant and someone saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we miscalculated and your gestation period is actually going to be more like that of an elephant." That is not exactly what we were prepared for! 

It has taken a while to process this information, and truthfully it hasn't completely sunk in even now. I am grateful in some ways for the busyness of this crazy summer and just the hectic life of being a mom to three girls. I can imagine if this were my first child, I would be agonizing every moment of the wait. As it is, while I think of her every day, I simply don't have time to worry every moment that she isn't here yet. Life goes on, at break-neck speed most of the time. But every once in a while, the emotions catch up with me and I break down. Like the other day when I realized that my maternal instincts to begin to "nest" have kicked in, but that it will be at least a year until the baby is here. Like I need to clean closets, and decorate a room, and get rid of useless junk, but the truth is, there is no rush. She might not even be born yet.

And so, I can dwell on the emotions of all these things, and I sometimes do, or I can continue the theme of this year - learning to trust God with the things He calls me to do. That this wasn't my idea in the first place, so its certainly not my place to say how & when it will happen. I get to practice patience and have my heart stretched to hurt more for the things that hurt His. I get to remember that He has a plan for me, for our family and our baby girl - a plan that is good and brings Him glory. And I get to see how He wants to use me in the waiting. I am at a place that a year ago, I thought would be ideal - all three kids potty trained and at least two days a week with a few hours to myself! I have loved not having to change diapers, and I am looking forward to preschool starting so that I can grocery shop without "help", but I'm ready to begin the next chapter of life with our new baby! Or at least, I think I am :). I am sure the Lord wants to prepare me in many ways for the challenges and struggles that lie ahead in the journey of adoption. I don't by any means think we're ready to take on all that may be coming our way, and we may never be. That's really beside the point. I know that He will do in us and through us more than we could ask or imagine! I fully expect Him to give me more than I can handle so He has a chance to show up, and remind me once again that this is not about me. I think people have often twisted the scripture that says, "He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear" to say "He won't ever give you more than you can handle". The truth is, if we can handle it, why would we need Him? And as we continue to wait, indefinitely, I most certainly do need Him. I hope I live in such a way that others will see that my confidence is in Him alone, and that I can trust Him to bring our baby girl in His timing. I just might need to be reminded of that from time to time :).