All In

I've had so many thoughts swirling around in my head the past few weeks...where to begin? It may take several posts, so I'll just go with the latest! So, its been more than a year since we began this journey - at least the "official" journey. And I have to say that it seems that we are farther away from our goal of bringing our baby girl home than ever! We are constantly asked where we are in the process and the answer is always the same, "Nothing new to report. Its just slow!". There are some complicated issues within the country of Ethiopia and even within the US embassy there that I honestly don't completely understand because I haven't worked that hard to sort through.

This is not what we thought we were signing up for...but then again, I think we somewhat expected that (that makes total sense...right?!?). To clarify, as we've said before, this whole adoption thing was never our idea. It came straight from the mouth of God and into our lives and has not let us go since! I was talking to a sweet friend recently who has walked this path before who helped bring some clarity to what we are experiencing. She reminded me that we must continually go back to what God has called us to. Any disappointments, discouragement or doubt that we are experiencing is likely based not on the things He has promised us, but on those places where He was silent, where He has asked us to have faith, and where we have tended to "fill in the blanks" with our own expectations of how this whole thing will play out. In our case, we know without a doubt that the Lord called us to adoption. He has laid a baby girl on our hearts. And she is from Africa. These are the things we believe God has clearly told us, promised us, even. He never said she would be here within a year, or two, or even three. There are many other "gray" areas in there that leave a lot of room for the unknown...we just have to trust that His word is true, that His plan for us is good, and that we can rest in WHATEVER that looks like. Even if that means our baby girl comes home when I'm 40. Which apparently is much closer than I would like to admit :).

Twice in the past week God has reminded me of the story of Abraham and Sarah, how God promised them a child in their youth, but that they were old when that promise was fulfilled. I sincerely hope He is not asking me to wait until I'm 70 to give me the child He has planned for me! But He reminded me that His promises never fail. And that His plans are far better than what I have imagined. I just have to trust Him in the mean time and, you know, try not to bring in a mistress to "help" God with his plan :).

My precious friend, Sharon Washburn, passed from this life to the next just a few weeks ago. She was an incredible woman of faith whose journey to heaven has forever changed how I view death, and my perspective on the brevity of life. As her daughter Randi told me, she was so ready for eternity with the Father that she was ready to unzip the mortal body that was holding her back & run into the arms of Jesus! That is not to say she wasn't sad about leaving behind her precious family - she was honest about the sadness she felt in saying goodbye to them for a time. Her legacy means so many things to me and to thousands of others whose lives were eternally blessed by hers!

A few weeks before she passed away we were blessed to have the chance to bring her & Mike a meal & have a few uninterrupted moments with them. I have always treasured time I have had at her feet, but this time was even more precious to me. Sharon & I had a few minutes just the two of us, and in true Sharon-form, she was quick to encourage me & lead me to the Lord. She told me that as she had struggled through the battle with the cancer that was eating away at her body God had impressed on her this verse: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31). She said strength is found in the hoping, in the waiting...not in getting the answer we want, when we want it. Sharon wanted healing, hoped for a physical answer to her prayers. God answered, but not in the way we all had desired! But she knew that His way was best, and that He was strengthening her to the very end, using her for His glory. She praised God until her last breath, trusting Him to be sovereign and to work all things for her good.

I don't think I will ever forget those moments at her table or the words she spoke to me. Our journeys are very different, and my waiting is in no way comparable to the road Sharon and all those who loved her walked. But she was right - if I allow Him to do it, God will strengthen me as I hope in Him and wait on His perfect timing in bringing our baby girl home to us. It is my choice to remember the call He gave to us, the truth in His word, and the promises He has given, and to wait patiently on the Lord. I won't say that will always be easy. But there is peace in the knowing that He who has begun a good work in me will carry it on until the day of completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

We are all in. Whatever that looks like. However long it takes. No matter how hard it gets. Baby girl, you are ours! Wherever you are, whatever your name is (now), you are fearfully and wonderfully made! All the days ordained for you were written in God's book before one of them came to be (or will come to be!). And he knows the very day we will hold you in our arms and begin life with you. You are worth waiting for!