I have to be honest - this is not what we signed up for. We had hoped and dreamed that by now we would be home with our littlest Russell & learning to live as a family of 6. There is a real temptation to grow frustrated and bitter, to grow weary of waiting. But God is trying to teach us many things through this waiting, not the least of all that we are not in control of anything! We can trust Him with His timing, even if we cannot understand it. I am also learning through this and in other situations, that, as I often tell my girls, I can choose my attitude :). A big part of that for me is what I am focusing on - often the thoughts in my head lead my heart, and if I'm not careful, I can stray into dangerous territory!
So, today I am not going to feel sorry for myself, or be angry at the broken system, or frustrated with my inability to plan my life, or heartbroken over the fact that children everywhere are living in orphanages while families like mine are doing everything in their power to bring them into forever families. There is a time and a place for those things (and tomorrow might be that day), but today, I am choosing thankfulness. God is good, and throughout this past year, He has proven Himself to me again and again. He has not forgotten us, or our daughter! So here are a few ways I have been so blessed this past year, and what I am thankful for today:
My marriage.
Almost 13 years ago we started this journey together! I am so thankful God gave me a man who daily sacrifices himself for me and our girls, and who follows the leading of the Lord wherever that may be. And, he makes me laugh! I couldn't be more blessed.
My girls.
While we wait for the 4th of our blessings to arrive, I'm trying not to miss out on the joy of the three God has already given me. Every day is full of challenges and gifts. They are a mess, and I love it (well, most days!). More on this pic in a moment...
Our family.
Over Christmas, my parents were in town & wanted to do something for the baby. They spent countless hours and at least 5 coats of paint covering the brown that used to be on the walls of the nursery. This room is in a weird sort of limbo...it sits empty, waiting to be filled. It's a reminder both of what we are missing, and what we are hoping for. Now, I look at the freshly painted light pink walls & it makes me happy. There is much to be done in that room, but the transformation has begun. Some day, we will know when she will be coming home, what age she will be, and how to complete it to be perfectly suited for her. Thanks Mom & Dad for getting us started & for believing with us that she is coming! We are so grateful that both sets of grandparents are anxious to meet their next granddaughter. They bless us daily.
My sister.
It's hard to even begin to say all the ways she has supported us since this journey began. Outside of our immediate family, she is Baby Girl's biggest fan. Recently, she sent this precious paper chain made of hearts that we can tear off each time we move a space on the wait list...we've moved down and then up again a few times (its complicated!), but at the moment, there are 40 little hearts waiting to be removed until its our turn to meet our daughter. As we tear each one off, I love thinking of the child represented by the heart who has found their forever family. Its a great visual reminder of the children whose lives are being changed by adoption. Holly makes sure we know that we and our baby girl are never far from her heart!
Our friends.
I cannot imagine having a better support system as we wait & anticipate the joys & challenges that come with adoption. I know there are few people who have such love and support, and I do not take it for granted. Their thoughtfulness touches my heart often. We have had countless prayers offered on our behalf, received many notes of encouragement and appreciate so much the questions about how its going, even when there are no good answers to report. Here are just a few of the examples of how our friends have blessed us this year:
One sweet friend, Suzanne, called me out of the blue & offered to bring dinner for my family. When she found out I had family in town, she wasn't fazed, and promptly marched over two entire chickens, multiple sides and desserts...enough food for 20 people! She was inspired by Jen Hatmaker's blog post http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village (an incredible read by the way - Jen adopted two Ethiopian children through AWAA as well) and she took it upon herself to be our "village". Suzanne is just that wonderful.
Another precious group of friends knew that several months back I was having a hard time grappling with the fact that the wait was going to be much longer than we expected. I was caught completely off guard when I showed up to a friend's house to find a "Nesting" shower complete with precious gifts for Baby Girl and blessings they wrote to her and to me. I don't think I could ever appropriately thank them for their thoughtfulness, and for making me feel so loved! I don't deserve such overwhelming blessings...thank you Jesus.
A few of the blessings from that evening:
This booklet from my sister was full of sweet pictures, quotes, scriptures and her own thoughts.
Our nest was filled with a sweet onesie, burp cloth & bib...I can't wait until I have a little one to use them.
And of course, again, my sister. This is the sweetest little doll - so soft & snuggly. Baby girl is going to love it (and it is put safely away so her sisters won't abuse it before she gets the chance!).
Yesterday, we commemorated our DTE-versary, as we are calling it, by releasing hundreds of little ladybugs in our backyard. We all said a few words about our baby and we prayed over her and our family. Corey explained to the girls that soon, we won't even see these tiny bugs, but we know that they are there. In a similar way, we know that even though we can't see our baby girl, we know by faith that she is there, and we will trust God to bring her home to us. Every time we see a ladybug we can be reminded of His promise that there is a little girl out there who is spoken for. She is a Russell, even if we don't see her yet! So, the analogy might be a bit of a stretch, but it was a sweet moment that we hope the girls will remember.
Congratulations if you have made it through this post :). I do want to acknowledge God's work in our lives for others to see and be encouraged to follow where he leads, but one of my main goals here is to preserve some of our history for our family's sake. It's a story I don't want to be forgotten.
One last note: last year, the day when we were officially DTE was Good Friday. I remember thinking and even writing on this blog about how wonderful it was that our day was connected to God's goodness in sending His son, to our own adoption as His children. Those things remain true, but this year, I was struck by something else: redemption is not without sacrifice. A year ago, I thought by now I would be holding my baby girl in my arms. A year ago, I could not have anticipated that our wait would be at least 3 times as long as we had first thought. And a year ago, I didn't understand as much what it meant to follow Jesus. I still have so much to learn, but this year has shown me a little bit of what it looks like to pick up my cross daily; He never said it would be easy. But it never changes His promises! He is good. His love never fails. His mercies are new every morning- great is His faithfulness.
Keep hanging in there! I have seen it slow down & speed up before. She is coming! When she gets here, you will not be able to imagine it any other way! You will see the perfection in the Plan...
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