Still here...

Those who know me well are not surprised that its been 8 months since I last posted...blogging isn't my thing (though I've written about 20 posts in my head since then - that counts, right?!?).

Lately I am starting to get more and more questions like, "Are you still doing that adoption thing?" so I figured its time to get out there again. And to answer that question, yes, we are still doing that adoption thing! In October we hit the two year mark since this journey officially began. It's crazy to think that Lila wasn't even two yet!

This is the day we told them they were going to have a new sister from Africa! Such babies...

This cutie just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago, which makes it seem like a LONG time that we've been waiting. We constantly get the question, "Why is it taking so long???" which is a question with no easy answer except to say this is a spiritual battle. The Enemy knows that adoption is at its heart the message of the gospel and he is doing everything in his power to frustrate the system. But we press on, knowing that the battle belongs to the Lord, and that he is victorious. We talk to our girls about what it means to persevere, and we constantly ask the Lord to show us what He wants to do in us while we wait. Patience is a lesson we are getting to learn daily. And I can truly say that (most days!) we are at peace with where God has us in this process. We continue to go back to the call that he gave us, knowing that this is completely from him, by him, and for him, and that he will do it in his perfect timing. We have confidence in knowing that one day we will look back and see exactly why he asked us to wait. There are still moments of frustration, sadness and longing, but our depth of trust in our Savior is increasing day by day.

So here are the facts at this point:

• we have been on the wait list since April 2011 making that a full 20 months on the wait list (add 6 months of paperwork to that and we its more like 26 months of waiting)
• our wait times have been increased again from 18-24 months to referral from DTE (on the wait list) to 24-30 months, making April the earliest we could expect a referral and October of 2013 the longest. Clearly, in our experience this is still subject to change. But we are hopeful that 2013 will be the year!
• we increased our age request from a girl 0-12 months old to a girl 0-24 months old. Our intention has always been that she would be our youngest. Now that Lila is 4, we felt God's leading to open ourselves up to a little bit older child.
• we are unofficially number 25 on the wait list for an infant (0-18 months) and number 10 on the wait list for a toddler (19-24 months). There is no way of knowing which list will move more quickly as the movement has been very sporadic and unpredictable.
• we continue to have confidence in the integrity of our agency, AWAA. We believe that though our process may be longer than some in other agencies, we will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our child is a true orphan in need of a family and that there will be nothing illegal or unethical about the process we participate in (which is sadly becoming more and more rare in Ethiopia). This is very important to us as Christ-followers who are not just concerned about getting a baby as quickly as possible, but want to ensure that the process is a good one that allows the most children possible to come into loving forever families.

God has been at work in us, as always, teaching us, challenging us, and hopefully shaping us more into the family he wants us to be for our baby girl.  These three girls are teaching me a great lesson about trusting in God: I keep thinking that one of them will question whether or not this is ever going to happen. It's hard for little minds to comprehend how long a typical pregnancy is, much less one at least 3 times that long! Lila and Addie don't remember a time when they weren't waiting for their baby sister. And nearly every night one of the girls prays, "God, please bring our baby girl home soon!". Their childlike faith reminds me that God keeps his promises. He is trustworthy. She will come home one day, and we can wait in expectation for the answer to our prayers.

One year DTE-versary

One year today (actually yesterday...didn't get this posted in time!). Well, technically 18 months since we began the process, but one year ago today we were DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) and officially on the wait list for our baby girl. At that time, our wait times were estimated at 7-10 months from DTE to referral, when we would be matched with a baby. In July of last year, that increased to 11-18 months, and not too long ago it was increased again to 18-24 months. What a difference a year can make! At this point, best case scenario is that we would receive a referral in October; worst case, a year from now. And the truth is, we suspect the wait times will continue to increase.

I have to be honest - this is not what we signed up for. We had hoped and dreamed that by now we would be home with our littlest Russell & learning to live as a family of 6. There is a real temptation to grow frustrated and bitter, to grow weary of waiting. But God is trying to teach us many things through this waiting, not the least of all that we are not in control of anything! We can trust Him with His timing, even if we cannot understand it. I am also learning through this and in other situations, that, as I often tell my girls, I can choose my attitude :). A big part of that for me is what I am focusing on - often the thoughts in my head lead my heart, and if I'm not careful, I can stray into dangerous territory!

So, today I am not going to feel sorry for myself, or be angry at the broken system, or frustrated with my inability to plan my life, or heartbroken over the fact that children everywhere are living in orphanages while families like mine are doing everything in their power to bring them into forever families. There is a time and a place for those things (and tomorrow might be that day), but today, I am choosing thankfulness. God is good, and throughout this past year, He has proven Himself to me again and again. He has not forgotten us, or our daughter! So here are a few ways I have been so blessed this past year, and what I am thankful for today:

My marriage.

Almost 13 years ago we started this journey together! I am so thankful God gave me a man who daily sacrifices himself for me and our girls, and who follows the leading of the Lord wherever that may be. And, he makes me laugh! I couldn't be more blessed.

My girls.

While we wait for the 4th of our blessings to arrive, I'm trying not to miss out on the joy of the three God has already given me. Every day is full of challenges and gifts. They are a mess, and I love it (well, most days!). More on this pic in a moment...

Our family.

Over Christmas, my parents were in town & wanted to do something for the baby. They spent countless hours and at least 5 coats of paint covering the brown that used to be on the walls of the nursery. This room is in a weird sort of limbo...it sits empty, waiting to be filled. It's a reminder both of what we are missing, and what we are hoping for. Now, I look at the freshly painted light pink walls & it makes me happy. There is much to be done in that room, but the transformation has begun. Some day, we will know when she will be coming home, what age she will be, and how to complete it to be perfectly suited for her. Thanks Mom & Dad for getting us started & for believing with us that she is coming! We are so grateful that both sets of grandparents are anxious to meet their next granddaughter. They bless us daily.

My sister.

It's hard to even begin to say all the ways she has supported us since this journey began. Outside of our immediate family, she is Baby Girl's biggest fan. Recently, she sent this precious paper chain made of hearts that we can tear off each time we move a space on the wait list...we've moved down and then up again a few times (its complicated!), but at the moment, there are 40 little hearts waiting to be removed until its our turn to meet our daughter. As we tear each one off, I love thinking of the child represented by the heart who has found their forever family. Its a great visual reminder of the children whose lives are being changed by adoption. Holly makes sure we know that we and our baby girl are never far from her heart!

Our friends.

I cannot imagine having a better support system as we wait & anticipate the joys & challenges that come with adoption. I know there are few people who have such love and support, and I do not take it for granted. Their thoughtfulness touches my heart often. We have had countless prayers offered on our behalf, received many notes of encouragement and appreciate so much the questions about how its going, even when there are no good answers to report. Here are just a few of the examples of how our friends have blessed us this year:

One sweet friend, Suzanne, called me out of the blue & offered to bring dinner for my family. When she found out I had family in town, she wasn't fazed, and promptly marched over two entire chickens, multiple sides and desserts...enough food for 20 people! She was inspired by Jen Hatmaker's blog post http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/11/02/how-to-be-the-village (an incredible read by the way - Jen adopted two Ethiopian children through AWAA as well) and she took it upon herself to be our "village". Suzanne is just that wonderful.

Another precious group of friends knew that several months back I was having a hard time grappling with the fact that the wait was going to be much longer than we expected. I was caught completely off guard when I showed up to a friend's house to find a "Nesting" shower complete with precious gifts for Baby Girl and blessings they wrote to her and to me. I don't think I could ever appropriately thank them for their thoughtfulness, and for making me feel so loved! I don't deserve such overwhelming blessings...thank you Jesus.

A few of the blessings from that evening:

This booklet from my sister was full of sweet pictures, quotes, scriptures and her own thoughts.

Our nest was filled with a sweet onesie, burp cloth & bib...I can't wait until I have a little one to use them.

And of course, again, my sister. This is the sweetest little doll - so soft & snuggly. Baby girl is going to love it (and it is put safely away so her sisters won't abuse it before she gets the chance!).

Yesterday, we commemorated our DTE-versary, as we are calling it, by releasing hundreds of little ladybugs in our backyard. We all said a few words about our baby and we prayed over her and our family. Corey explained to the girls that soon, we won't even see these tiny bugs, but we know that they are there. In a similar way, we know that even though we can't see our baby girl, we know by faith that she is there, and we will trust God to bring her home to us. Every time we see a ladybug we can be reminded of His promise that there is a little girl out there who is spoken for. She is a Russell, even if we don't see her yet! So, the analogy might be a bit of a stretch, but it was a sweet moment that we hope the girls will remember. 

Congratulations if you have made it through this post :). I do want to acknowledge God's work in our lives for others to see and be encouraged to follow where he leads, but one of my main goals here is to preserve some of our history for our family's sake. It's a story I don't want to be forgotten. 

One last note: last year, the day when we were officially DTE was Good Friday. I remember thinking and even writing on this blog about how wonderful it was that our day was connected to God's goodness in sending His son, to our own adoption as His children. Those things remain true, but this year, I was struck by something else: redemption is not without sacrifice. A year ago, I thought by now I would be holding my baby girl in my arms. A year ago, I could not have anticipated that our wait would be at least 3 times as long as we had first thought. And a year ago, I didn't understand as much what it meant to follow Jesus. I still have so much to learn, but this year has shown me a little bit of what it looks like to pick up my cross daily; He never said it would be easy. But it never changes His promises! He is good. His love never fails. His mercies are new every morning- great is His faithfulness.

The Puzzle Pieces

Corey here...

When we first started this adoption journey, I had a vision of God creating this little girl on the other side of the world specifically for our family.  He obviously knows the exact situation that she will be born into and knows exactly the circumstances that will make her an orphan.  It makes sense that in all of His knowledge and wisdom (and obviously knowing she is eventually going to be a part of our family) that He would create her in a way that would fit perfectly into our family....right?

Probably not.

I believe that God's original plan and design is for babies to be with their birth families.  However, our world is a broken one and because of that there are broken families and orphans.  I believe that adoption is one of the ways He redeems this brokeness.  God is in the redemption business.

Right now, our family looks like a six piece puzzle.  Five of those pieces are put together and there is just one piece missing.  It is tempting to think that the Craftsman creating this puzzle in His workshop is going to take the last piece he is making and cut it out and sand it down so that it fits perfectly with the other pieces.  Voila, the puzzle is complete.

I don't think so.

I'm not even sure that our baby girl is being created at all to fit into our family.  I don't know that God has created her for any family beyond a plan for her to be with her birth family.  How could I possibly know that?  Let me tell you what I do know though - our current family is being formed for her.   We are being re-cut, sanded down, glued up and re-painted so that we can be the family that this little girl needs.  There is no doubt that she will also be changed and re-formed as she becomes a Russell.  The puzzle is going to come together to make something beautiful, but not without some change (and pain).  I know this because as we wait, I can see it happening.  I can see how He is re-shaping all of us - we are not the same pieces we were when we started this journey 17 months ago.  It's a good thing we aren't because she is going to need a family that can struggle through her journey and story with her.  It's not something that we knew how to do (and still don't, but we're learning a few things).  They didn't cover raising an adopted daughter of a different race in the marriage and family classes at ACU (I'm not even sure I took one of those, but it sounds good and makes the point).  We're going to be walking by faith that the Holy Spirit will be doing much of the work no matter how much we learn anyway.  So, while it is hard to wait, there is some comfort in knowing that this is not idle time.  The Craftsman is doing His work on us - forming us so that we will fit perfectly around her to make our family. We could use a lot of re-modeling anyway if we're going to look more like Jesus.