All In

I've had so many thoughts swirling around in my head the past few weeks...where to begin? It may take several posts, so I'll just go with the latest! So, its been more than a year since we began this journey - at least the "official" journey. And I have to say that it seems that we are farther away from our goal of bringing our baby girl home than ever! We are constantly asked where we are in the process and the answer is always the same, "Nothing new to report. Its just slow!". There are some complicated issues within the country of Ethiopia and even within the US embassy there that I honestly don't completely understand because I haven't worked that hard to sort through.

This is not what we thought we were signing up for...but then again, I think we somewhat expected that (that makes total sense...right?!?). To clarify, as we've said before, this whole adoption thing was never our idea. It came straight from the mouth of God and into our lives and has not let us go since! I was talking to a sweet friend recently who has walked this path before who helped bring some clarity to what we are experiencing. She reminded me that we must continually go back to what God has called us to. Any disappointments, discouragement or doubt that we are experiencing is likely based not on the things He has promised us, but on those places where He was silent, where He has asked us to have faith, and where we have tended to "fill in the blanks" with our own expectations of how this whole thing will play out. In our case, we know without a doubt that the Lord called us to adoption. He has laid a baby girl on our hearts. And she is from Africa. These are the things we believe God has clearly told us, promised us, even. He never said she would be here within a year, or two, or even three. There are many other "gray" areas in there that leave a lot of room for the unknown...we just have to trust that His word is true, that His plan for us is good, and that we can rest in WHATEVER that looks like. Even if that means our baby girl comes home when I'm 40. Which apparently is much closer than I would like to admit :).

Twice in the past week God has reminded me of the story of Abraham and Sarah, how God promised them a child in their youth, but that they were old when that promise was fulfilled. I sincerely hope He is not asking me to wait until I'm 70 to give me the child He has planned for me! But He reminded me that His promises never fail. And that His plans are far better than what I have imagined. I just have to trust Him in the mean time and, you know, try not to bring in a mistress to "help" God with his plan :).

My precious friend, Sharon Washburn, passed from this life to the next just a few weeks ago. She was an incredible woman of faith whose journey to heaven has forever changed how I view death, and my perspective on the brevity of life. As her daughter Randi told me, she was so ready for eternity with the Father that she was ready to unzip the mortal body that was holding her back & run into the arms of Jesus! That is not to say she wasn't sad about leaving behind her precious family - she was honest about the sadness she felt in saying goodbye to them for a time. Her legacy means so many things to me and to thousands of others whose lives were eternally blessed by hers!

A few weeks before she passed away we were blessed to have the chance to bring her & Mike a meal & have a few uninterrupted moments with them. I have always treasured time I have had at her feet, but this time was even more precious to me. Sharon & I had a few minutes just the two of us, and in true Sharon-form, she was quick to encourage me & lead me to the Lord. She told me that as she had struggled through the battle with the cancer that was eating away at her body God had impressed on her this verse: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31). She said strength is found in the hoping, in the waiting...not in getting the answer we want, when we want it. Sharon wanted healing, hoped for a physical answer to her prayers. God answered, but not in the way we all had desired! But she knew that His way was best, and that He was strengthening her to the very end, using her for His glory. She praised God until her last breath, trusting Him to be sovereign and to work all things for her good.

I don't think I will ever forget those moments at her table or the words she spoke to me. Our journeys are very different, and my waiting is in no way comparable to the road Sharon and all those who loved her walked. But she was right - if I allow Him to do it, God will strengthen me as I hope in Him and wait on His perfect timing in bringing our baby girl home to us. It is my choice to remember the call He gave to us, the truth in His word, and the promises He has given, and to wait patiently on the Lord. I won't say that will always be easy. But there is peace in the knowing that He who has begun a good work in me will carry it on until the day of completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

We are all in. Whatever that looks like. However long it takes. No matter how hard it gets. Baby girl, you are ours! Wherever you are, whatever your name is (now), you are fearfully and wonderfully made! All the days ordained for you were written in God's book before one of them came to be (or will come to be!). And he knows the very day we will hold you in our arms and begin life with you. You are worth waiting for!

Orphan Sunday

Corey here...

This Sunday is "Orphan Sunday."  Take me back 2 years ago and I would have had no idea what you were talking about when you told me that "Orphan Sunday" was coming up.  Orphan Sunday is a national day where "thousands of events echo across America and around the globe, all sharing a single goal: that God’s great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well." You can find out more about it here...http://orphansunday.org/

So, take a stroll over to that website on Sunday and watch some of their videos (go to the "Resources" tab and then scroll down to the bottom for the videos).  Let your heart break for the orphans and pray for them.  While you're at it, do me a favor and pray for us on that day.  We're not exactly sure when our daughter was/will be born, but if the current estimates are correct, it will probably be around now.  The amount of nutrition that a baby receives in those first few weeks is critical to development - pray that she gets that nutrition.  Pray for a safe and healthy birth for her and for her bio mom.  Oh - and pray that things start speeding up a little bit with the adoption process in Ethiopia.  We have a couple of families that are friends of ours that have been on the waitlist for much over a year (compared to our 6 months) and we know they are aching for that phone call.

movement

52


We started at number 56 on the (unofficial) wait list in April...moving 4 spots in almost 5 months was not what we had in mind, but we'll take it! I'm trying not to think about how long it would actually be if this trend continues. Praise God for movement!

On another note, Lila has started praying for her baby sister. She asks God every day that He will be with her baby sister, and that He will help her sleep well. So sweet :). She's going to be a great big sister someday!

While We're Waiting...

Here's a quick look at the busyness of the summer here in the Russell household:

 Destin, Florida with our dear friends, the Walton family

 Cousins camp with the Russell side of the family

Jackson Hole, WY with my (Julia's) parents 

 Swimming with friends 

Cabo for our 12th Anniversary 

Summer Spectacular at the Hills

Memorial Day with our dear friends the Van Staverns & Walters 

A visit from & to my sister & her sweet boys 

A special time with adopting friends  

Swimming with the Johnson cousins

Its been a very full summer with several trips to fun places, many visits from friends and family, and lots and LOTS of swimming! It has been a blessing to get to spend time with so many of the people we dearly love. The summer has gone by so quickly that I just haven't taken the time to update what is going on on the adoption front. The busyness of the summer and life in general help a bit in this season of waiting!  People have been so sweet to ask what the status is of our adoption, and I'm sure they get tired of hearing, "we're just waiting!" but that's pretty much still the story. 

On August 22, we will have been on the official waiting list for a baby girl from Ethiopia for 4 months. And August 23 marks the year anniversary since God rocked our world & we began this journey of adoption. It's incredible to think all that God has done in our lives in the past year...and incredibly frustrating to know that we are not much closer to our baby girl than we were then. When we were DTE (dossier to ethiopia - adoption speak for on the waiting list!) the wait time for a baby girl was 7-10 months to referral (being matched with a child). Sometime in early July we got an email letting us know that our wait times have been extended to 11-18 months. That would put us at receiving a referral no earlier than March of 2012...and possibly as late as October. There is a very real possibility we may not bring our baby girl home until some time in 2013. It's kind of like being pregnant and someone saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we miscalculated and your gestation period is actually going to be more like that of an elephant." That is not exactly what we were prepared for! 

It has taken a while to process this information, and truthfully it hasn't completely sunk in even now. I am grateful in some ways for the busyness of this crazy summer and just the hectic life of being a mom to three girls. I can imagine if this were my first child, I would be agonizing every moment of the wait. As it is, while I think of her every day, I simply don't have time to worry every moment that she isn't here yet. Life goes on, at break-neck speed most of the time. But every once in a while, the emotions catch up with me and I break down. Like the other day when I realized that my maternal instincts to begin to "nest" have kicked in, but that it will be at least a year until the baby is here. Like I need to clean closets, and decorate a room, and get rid of useless junk, but the truth is, there is no rush. She might not even be born yet.

And so, I can dwell on the emotions of all these things, and I sometimes do, or I can continue the theme of this year - learning to trust God with the things He calls me to do. That this wasn't my idea in the first place, so its certainly not my place to say how & when it will happen. I get to practice patience and have my heart stretched to hurt more for the things that hurt His. I get to remember that He has a plan for me, for our family and our baby girl - a plan that is good and brings Him glory. And I get to see how He wants to use me in the waiting. I am at a place that a year ago, I thought would be ideal - all three kids potty trained and at least two days a week with a few hours to myself! I have loved not having to change diapers, and I am looking forward to preschool starting so that I can grocery shop without "help", but I'm ready to begin the next chapter of life with our new baby! Or at least, I think I am :). I am sure the Lord wants to prepare me in many ways for the challenges and struggles that lie ahead in the journey of adoption. I don't by any means think we're ready to take on all that may be coming our way, and we may never be. That's really beside the point. I know that He will do in us and through us more than we could ask or imagine! I fully expect Him to give me more than I can handle so He has a chance to show up, and remind me once again that this is not about me. I think people have often twisted the scripture that says, "He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear" to say "He won't ever give you more than you can handle". The truth is, if we can handle it, why would we need Him? And as we continue to wait, indefinitely, I most certainly do need Him. I hope I live in such a way that others will see that my confidence is in Him alone, and that I can trust Him to bring our baby girl in His timing. I just might need to be reminded of that from time to time :). 

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was so good this year. Even if I felt a little guilty for spending about half of it alone! I'm reminded of a line from Finding Nemo where the dad fish (Marlin...sad that I know that) says to Dorie, "It's because I like you that I don't want to be with you...its a complicated emotion..."or something like that :). I haven't seen that movie in years, but I hear it playing from the backseat often (still working on watching less tv in the car!). I do love being with my family, but sometimes I need a little break to appreciate them! So Corey was gracious to give me time to myself, and I came home ready to take on the craziness of my three very girly girls and all that entails (more about that in another post coming your way soon).

It was a different kind of mother's day this year. This time last year I was seeing the light at the end of a long tunnel of diapers and someone wanting me to hold them 24/7...and this year I'm hoping and praying for MORE diapers, for MORE little voices calling my name. And I can truly say, that is all God. This year, motherhood has changed for me. God has opened my eyes to what being a mother can look like. I always thought I would have a little girl with curly blonde hair and green eyes, like me. Instead, I have three with straight blonde hair & blue eyes, and the hope of one with dark hair and skin who will be mine just the same. None of it is what I pictured in my mind's eye before I began this journey of motherhood, but as with everything, it was God's plan and it is much better than what I imagined.

This mother's day my heart broke for the mother who will carry my daughter, and then, through circumstances I may never know or understand, will have to give her up. She will never know the joy of watching this baby girl grow. She may never know how much we love her, how we will take good care of her, and teach her about Jesus. I can't imagine being in her shoes. But I am so thankful that she is willing to do what is best for her baby. I thank God for her sacrifice! And I anxiously await the day when her child will become my own. It may be much longer than we originally planned, but we continue to trust that God's plans are better than our own, and He will bring her to us in His timing.

I love this picture of my girls that my mom took recently. But it is incomplete! I see a hole here that a year ago, I never knew was there. And I praise Him for opening my eyes to what family can be if we are willing to say yes if and when He calls!

Good Friday

If I were a good blogger, this post would have happened 5 days ago. Add "good blogger" to the list of things I am learning I am just not!!! (Julia here, by the way - this sharing a blog with my husband thing is a little tricky!). I have written posts in my mind on almost a daily basis, but they rarely make it to the blog. Got to get better at that! 

All that to say, lots has been going on in the Russell family this week! Two big things, really. Emma lost both of her front teeth this week! After she lost the first one I kept bugging her to pull the other one too :). Seriously, what is cuter than a 7 year old missing both front teeth?!?  Corey was a pro at yanking those things out with dental floss (something I have never seen until now - and something I will never personally attempt!). Isn't she precious?

The other big news...we are officially DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) and on the wait list for our baby girl!!! We first began discussing adoption on August 23, and almost exactly 8 months later, we can really begin to wait :). The paper chase actually took about 6 months, but it seems like this journey has been a lot longer. 

Our official DTE date was April 22 - Good Friday. I have thought all week about how the significance of Christ's sacrifice continues to gain deeper meaning for my life. He died to that I can be adopted into His family - Ephesians 1:5 says,  "he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." God loved me so much that He sent His own son to die for me so that I can be called His child. In John 1:12-13 we read, "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God." I am His child, not because I deserve His favor, but because He chose me! Adoption is our story as believers in Christ! And we have the privilege of passing on that gift to a child who has no family. It is humbling to be called to this place.

It has been a long 8 months. Those who are unfamiliar with the adoption process (as we were just a few short months ago) often see us and act a bit surprised that we don't already have our baby girl! We wish things moved that quickly. It is especially hard to explain to our 7, 4, and 2-year-old that their baby sister is waiting for us, but that it may be quite some time before we can meet her. When we mailed our dossier (adoption speak for enormous packet of paperwork we slaved over for 6 months & then hesitantly handed over to the post office - yikes!), I tried to explain to the girls the significance of the moment. With each of my pregnancies I struggled with a lot of morning sickness. I told them that all the discomfort, pain, and downright misery (at times) of carrying and delivering each of them is similar to what we've been doing the past several months. And just like they were worth every minute of the suffering their births brought to me, whatever hardship is required to bring our baby girl home from Ethiopia is worth it. She is worth it! We celebrated in a way my girls can understand - ice cream!

And so, the longest pregnancy there ever was continues to go on :). Though the Ethiopian government did not cut adoptions by 90% as originally predicted, there are still significant delays in the process as they attempt to make adoption as accurate and safe as possible. We cannot be sure of anything about this journey, but we hope she will be home with us this time next year. We continue to learn that whatever God calls us to do, He will accomplish, in His own time and in His way - all for our good and His glory!

To Fear or Not to Fear...That is the Question

Julia here. There has been a lot going on behind the scenes on the adoption front. We were thrilled to make our appointment to get our fingerprints done (March 15- woo hoo!) putting us just a few tiny steps away from finalizing our paperwork and being officially on the wait list...and then began to see disturbing bits of news out of Ethiopia. Apparently the Ethiopian government is taking steps to cut the number of adoptions they process daily by 90%, and has already begun that process. That seems to be all we know for sure - from what we are reading this could be permanent or temporary. Some comments we have read say this is politically motivated, some say it is to cut the work load of those in the office that processes adoptions. Some say it is an attempt to cut down on corruption within the adoption process. Very little seems to be known for sure!

For us, there is certainly the temptation to fear...of course we want our baby girl home with us as soon as possible! And we know there are hundreds, if not thousands of other children and families affected by this as well. I can truthfully say that so far, God has kept us from despair - we just aren't going there. I woke up early Sunday morning thinking about this whole situation, being a bit weighed down by the possibilities of what this means for us. I opened up the book of Isaiah and immediately read words that I believe the Lord put there just for me, for that moment. I realize that I am totally taking these verses out of context, but I still believe these words were for me!

"I (the Lord) will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save...Then all mankind will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob." (Isaiah 49:25-26)

I confess I left out the weird verse between these two about cannibalism - not exactly sure what God meant by that one! But the point is, I think God was reminding me that in this journey to our baby girl, it often feels like a battle. We are fighting to reach her, to take her out of a life of suffering and to bring her home. It has not been easy, and we haven't even begun the hardest part! But the Lord Himself is the one who called us to her, and He is the one who will save her. It is all for His glory...most definitely not for ours. We don't know the end of this story, but He does! I know there will be a day when we will look back with 20/20 vision and know without a doubt why He brought us here and what He was teaching us. In the meantime, we are learning where to put our hope. If we hope in the solution to this problem, we will be frustrated. If we hope in ourselves, it will be even worse! But if we hope in the Lord, we will not be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). Learning to trust in Him alone is tough. I think in this situation in particular, I will have to continually take my thoughts captive & be obedient to him - with every new piece of news I will have to choose Christ instead of fear. And I believe He will continue to give us joy in every stage of this process if we let Him. You may have to remind me of that along the way :).

So, I know many of those who read this are not currently adopting, and may or may not relate to what we're going through specifically. But the question is there for you too - whatever you're facing today, you have a choice as well - to trust in the Lord (not just what He will do in your situation, but in HIM!), or to fear. What will you choose???

PS - We would love for you to join us in signing a petition to fight the decision by the Ethiopian government in the only way we can. We don't know if or how God will use this, but we want to make our voices heard!

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

Fingerprinting & Dancing

Corey here...

We were ecstatic yesterday to get our appointment for fingerprinting...mainly because it is only about 10 days out!  We had seen where one family received their date for fingerprinting and it was 8 weeks out, so you can imagine how we had been preparing ourselves for a much longer wait.  We (and several of our friends) have been praying that this part of the process would go quickly and we are thankful that it is.  So, we expect that a short time after we get fingerprinted, we will receive the final piece of paperwork that we need to be able to send our dossier to Ethiopia (DTE).  Once we go DTE, we will then officially go on the wait-list and the paper-chase part of our adoption will be complete.  Then the real waiting begins (currently estimated at 7-11 months) before we get a baby girl referred to us.  We are resting in God's timing to bring us the daughter He has chosen for our family.  We pray and are confident that during this time He will be preparing our whole family for the road ahead.  That doesn't mean that there aren't times when the waiting is tough and we have moments of sadness as we think of our baby girl being without us on the other side of the world.  But we try to remind ourselves to "be still and know that [He] is God."  Prayers for that are always welcomed and appreciated.

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and was recanting our "adoption story" to him.  I was explaining how at first we were really apprehensive and concerned about what God was calling us to do.  It was somewhat of a burden if I'm being honest.  But God is good and He does some amazing things.  He takes a burden and turns it into a longing and a passion.  We now feel like our family isn't complete and we really do ache for this little one to come home.  All praise to God for that kind of transformation!  If I'm also being completely honest, there are still moments when I think we are crazy.  But then when I stop thinking of the process, struggles and challenges for us ahead and really focus on that little girl; it's as true and right as it gets.

Switching gears here..

We had our first Father/Daughter dance last weekend at our church.  I took Emma and Addie and as you can see, they were looking so cute in thier fancy dresses.  They were really excited about it and so was I because I was going to to spend that night totally focused on them.  Our church did such an awesome job putting this on.  We had 3 different crafts, dinner, dancing, horse-drawn carriage rides and ice-cream sundaes.  It's hard to say what their favorite part was, but I think dancing to YMCA was a highlight.  I sure do love these girls - such a great night and memory for me.  I did have a moment when I was thinking that one day I'm going to have 4 dates on that night...I guess I'll be quite the ladies' man!

Progress and Presents!

Yesterday we FINALLY got to mail our I-600A form to the USCIS (for all our friends new to the adoption process, this is basically our application to the US government for their approval to adopt). It feels very momentous! It was not without a number of frustrating delays and setbacks - none that were anyone's fault, but annoying nonetheless. It honestly felt like there was some Satanic opposition in getting that stinkin' paper out of the door! Everything from the ridiculous ice storm that basically shut down our city for 5 days, to my social worker's e-mails suddenly going to my spam account without any explanation, to minuscule errors on our home study (ok, that was completely my fault), to my printer inexplicably being out of ink...every delay felt like someone was doing their very best to frustrate our efforts to get our baby home as soon as possible! It was a good opportunity to be reminded that God is so much bigger than this - that He is the One who called us to this, that it is all in His perfect timing, that His purposes will stand in spite of however it may seem on the surface. And despite all the setbacks & frustrating delays, the I-600A is in the mail and we are one step closer to our baby girl! For those who have asked what is next, we wait for a letter telling us when & where to get fingerprinted, then wait some more for our official approval from USCIS. Then, we can mail our dossier to Ethiopia & officially be on the referral list! It's so close I can taste it! But our experience has shown me that I need to be patient...this may take some time. We would appreciate prayers that there would not be any unnecessary delays & that we can move on to the next phase of this process - the true waiting. 

It has occurred to me the past few weeks that our baby girl may be born soon! Since we don't know exactly when we will get to bring her home, and we are going on the assumption that it is possible we could bring her home about a year from now (which may or may not be accurate!), and since we have requested a baby from 0-12 months old, it would follow that if she is not born yet, she will be soon. So many unknowns...it is hard to wrap my mind around it. I am trying not to dwell on the things I will be missing, and get excited about what is to come. 

Speaking of what is to come, I spent last weekend loving on my newest nephew, Becket. I resisted the urge to give into sadness that I won't get those snuggly moments with my newborn baby this time around - truly, I just enjoyed every moment of it. And, being the selfless person she is, I went to see my sister's new baby, and she gave ME gifts! I just had to share - 

 Isn't this necklace awesome?!? My sister ordered it through www.thevintagepearl.com. I'm a fan!

 Our first gift for our sweet baby girl! These are the softest blankets you will ever touch - have I said yet that my sister is amazing? Our baby girl will be so loved - and already is.

This one is actually from Corey (I might have hinted a bit that it would make a good Valentine's gift!)- you might just see a whole lot of adoption/Africa gear from me from here on out! I love the shirts from www.147millionorphans.com. I know many of you are familiar with them, but if you're not, check out their story and their products - they are truly inspiring and amazing women who are making an unbelievable difference in the lives of people in need. Plus, as a bonus, these are unbelievably soft & comfy! 

And after reading about all these products I just plugged, I should totally be getting paid for this :). 

God is good!

Julia here. So, I'm a little behind in posting this photo of our amazing night with some of our friends who are also adopting from Africa. I found out a few days later I had the flu, so I think I have a bit of an excuse (and I profusely apologize if anyone else got sick - I definitely wouldn't have come if I thought the flu was on its way!)! Anyway, I think all these precious friends posted this at least a week ago, but I just have to include it on our blog as well.

When we began this journey to adopt, I think we had some vague knowledge of one or two of these families adopting. As we became more serious about pursuing international adoption, we were blown away to find out that so many of our college friends were on this same path! It had been years since we had really been in touch with these friends, but reading the words they had written on their blogs resonated deeply within me. These are true kindred spirits - they understand in a way no one else can what this road is really like. So to have an opportunity to sit around & catch up with them, meet their children, and get to talk about our children who we have yet to meet was thrilling! The McCuistons, Jacobs, Cheathams and Tidmores are incredible families and I am so thankful to have them in our lives. Seriously, I keep looking at this photo and thinking, "God, you are SO good!" He didn't have to give us so many friends with the same heart for adoption. He didn't have to surround us with people whose families will look like ours! But His grace covers us, and His love continues to be so evident. I have no idea what the future looks like, but I'm pretty sure I will be depending on these friends for moral support in the days to come. I can't wait to see what this photo looks like in a year!

On a totally unrelated note, we are going on day 2 of being home for a snow day! And we just found out school has been called off tomorrow - I sure hope we survive so much togetherness :). But I have been more thankful than ever for a warm house and plenty of food to eat! The snow has kept us out of school, but much worse than that, it has kept us from being able to finalize our home study. We are waiting on a document from one of our doctors, which is ready, but which I am unable to get out to pick up...yet another frustrating delay in this long process! Hopefully next week we can get all the details covered & be able to send off our I-600A (our government approval form). S-L-O-W seems to be the most descriptive word for our paper pregnancy! I'm really trying to see this as an opportunity to be taught by the Lord, to not waste a moment - and I know I have a lot to learn. But we're coming baby girl! We think of her & pray for her often. She is constantly on our minds - every bit as much a part of our family as if she were growing in my tummy like her sisters did. It will just take a little longer to see her sweet face. But faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. And we have faith - in Jesus, and in His good plan for our family!