While We're Waiting...

Here's a quick look at the busyness of the summer here in the Russell household:

 Destin, Florida with our dear friends, the Walton family

 Cousins camp with the Russell side of the family

Jackson Hole, WY with my (Julia's) parents 

 Swimming with friends 

Cabo for our 12th Anniversary 

Summer Spectacular at the Hills

Memorial Day with our dear friends the Van Staverns & Walters 

A visit from & to my sister & her sweet boys 

A special time with adopting friends  

Swimming with the Johnson cousins

Its been a very full summer with several trips to fun places, many visits from friends and family, and lots and LOTS of swimming! It has been a blessing to get to spend time with so many of the people we dearly love. The summer has gone by so quickly that I just haven't taken the time to update what is going on on the adoption front. The busyness of the summer and life in general help a bit in this season of waiting!  People have been so sweet to ask what the status is of our adoption, and I'm sure they get tired of hearing, "we're just waiting!" but that's pretty much still the story. 

On August 22, we will have been on the official waiting list for a baby girl from Ethiopia for 4 months. And August 23 marks the year anniversary since God rocked our world & we began this journey of adoption. It's incredible to think all that God has done in our lives in the past year...and incredibly frustrating to know that we are not much closer to our baby girl than we were then. When we were DTE (dossier to ethiopia - adoption speak for on the waiting list!) the wait time for a baby girl was 7-10 months to referral (being matched with a child). Sometime in early July we got an email letting us know that our wait times have been extended to 11-18 months. That would put us at receiving a referral no earlier than March of 2012...and possibly as late as October. There is a very real possibility we may not bring our baby girl home until some time in 2013. It's kind of like being pregnant and someone saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we miscalculated and your gestation period is actually going to be more like that of an elephant." That is not exactly what we were prepared for! 

It has taken a while to process this information, and truthfully it hasn't completely sunk in even now. I am grateful in some ways for the busyness of this crazy summer and just the hectic life of being a mom to three girls. I can imagine if this were my first child, I would be agonizing every moment of the wait. As it is, while I think of her every day, I simply don't have time to worry every moment that she isn't here yet. Life goes on, at break-neck speed most of the time. But every once in a while, the emotions catch up with me and I break down. Like the other day when I realized that my maternal instincts to begin to "nest" have kicked in, but that it will be at least a year until the baby is here. Like I need to clean closets, and decorate a room, and get rid of useless junk, but the truth is, there is no rush. She might not even be born yet.

And so, I can dwell on the emotions of all these things, and I sometimes do, or I can continue the theme of this year - learning to trust God with the things He calls me to do. That this wasn't my idea in the first place, so its certainly not my place to say how & when it will happen. I get to practice patience and have my heart stretched to hurt more for the things that hurt His. I get to remember that He has a plan for me, for our family and our baby girl - a plan that is good and brings Him glory. And I get to see how He wants to use me in the waiting. I am at a place that a year ago, I thought would be ideal - all three kids potty trained and at least two days a week with a few hours to myself! I have loved not having to change diapers, and I am looking forward to preschool starting so that I can grocery shop without "help", but I'm ready to begin the next chapter of life with our new baby! Or at least, I think I am :). I am sure the Lord wants to prepare me in many ways for the challenges and struggles that lie ahead in the journey of adoption. I don't by any means think we're ready to take on all that may be coming our way, and we may never be. That's really beside the point. I know that He will do in us and through us more than we could ask or imagine! I fully expect Him to give me more than I can handle so He has a chance to show up, and remind me once again that this is not about me. I think people have often twisted the scripture that says, "He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear" to say "He won't ever give you more than you can handle". The truth is, if we can handle it, why would we need Him? And as we continue to wait, indefinitely, I most certainly do need Him. I hope I live in such a way that others will see that my confidence is in Him alone, and that I can trust Him to bring our baby girl in His timing. I just might need to be reminded of that from time to time :). 

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was so good this year. Even if I felt a little guilty for spending about half of it alone! I'm reminded of a line from Finding Nemo where the dad fish (Marlin...sad that I know that) says to Dorie, "It's because I like you that I don't want to be with you...its a complicated emotion..."or something like that :). I haven't seen that movie in years, but I hear it playing from the backseat often (still working on watching less tv in the car!). I do love being with my family, but sometimes I need a little break to appreciate them! So Corey was gracious to give me time to myself, and I came home ready to take on the craziness of my three very girly girls and all that entails (more about that in another post coming your way soon).

It was a different kind of mother's day this year. This time last year I was seeing the light at the end of a long tunnel of diapers and someone wanting me to hold them 24/7...and this year I'm hoping and praying for MORE diapers, for MORE little voices calling my name. And I can truly say, that is all God. This year, motherhood has changed for me. God has opened my eyes to what being a mother can look like. I always thought I would have a little girl with curly blonde hair and green eyes, like me. Instead, I have three with straight blonde hair & blue eyes, and the hope of one with dark hair and skin who will be mine just the same. None of it is what I pictured in my mind's eye before I began this journey of motherhood, but as with everything, it was God's plan and it is much better than what I imagined.

This mother's day my heart broke for the mother who will carry my daughter, and then, through circumstances I may never know or understand, will have to give her up. She will never know the joy of watching this baby girl grow. She may never know how much we love her, how we will take good care of her, and teach her about Jesus. I can't imagine being in her shoes. But I am so thankful that she is willing to do what is best for her baby. I thank God for her sacrifice! And I anxiously await the day when her child will become my own. It may be much longer than we originally planned, but we continue to trust that God's plans are better than our own, and He will bring her to us in His timing.

I love this picture of my girls that my mom took recently. But it is incomplete! I see a hole here that a year ago, I never knew was there. And I praise Him for opening my eyes to what family can be if we are willing to say yes if and when He calls!

Good Friday

If I were a good blogger, this post would have happened 5 days ago. Add "good blogger" to the list of things I am learning I am just not!!! (Julia here, by the way - this sharing a blog with my husband thing is a little tricky!). I have written posts in my mind on almost a daily basis, but they rarely make it to the blog. Got to get better at that! 

All that to say, lots has been going on in the Russell family this week! Two big things, really. Emma lost both of her front teeth this week! After she lost the first one I kept bugging her to pull the other one too :). Seriously, what is cuter than a 7 year old missing both front teeth?!?  Corey was a pro at yanking those things out with dental floss (something I have never seen until now - and something I will never personally attempt!). Isn't she precious?

The other big news...we are officially DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) and on the wait list for our baby girl!!! We first began discussing adoption on August 23, and almost exactly 8 months later, we can really begin to wait :). The paper chase actually took about 6 months, but it seems like this journey has been a lot longer. 

Our official DTE date was April 22 - Good Friday. I have thought all week about how the significance of Christ's sacrifice continues to gain deeper meaning for my life. He died to that I can be adopted into His family - Ephesians 1:5 says,  "he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will." God loved me so much that He sent His own son to die for me so that I can be called His child. In John 1:12-13 we read, "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God." I am His child, not because I deserve His favor, but because He chose me! Adoption is our story as believers in Christ! And we have the privilege of passing on that gift to a child who has no family. It is humbling to be called to this place.

It has been a long 8 months. Those who are unfamiliar with the adoption process (as we were just a few short months ago) often see us and act a bit surprised that we don't already have our baby girl! We wish things moved that quickly. It is especially hard to explain to our 7, 4, and 2-year-old that their baby sister is waiting for us, but that it may be quite some time before we can meet her. When we mailed our dossier (adoption speak for enormous packet of paperwork we slaved over for 6 months & then hesitantly handed over to the post office - yikes!), I tried to explain to the girls the significance of the moment. With each of my pregnancies I struggled with a lot of morning sickness. I told them that all the discomfort, pain, and downright misery (at times) of carrying and delivering each of them is similar to what we've been doing the past several months. And just like they were worth every minute of the suffering their births brought to me, whatever hardship is required to bring our baby girl home from Ethiopia is worth it. She is worth it! We celebrated in a way my girls can understand - ice cream!

And so, the longest pregnancy there ever was continues to go on :). Though the Ethiopian government did not cut adoptions by 90% as originally predicted, there are still significant delays in the process as they attempt to make adoption as accurate and safe as possible. We cannot be sure of anything about this journey, but we hope she will be home with us this time next year. We continue to learn that whatever God calls us to do, He will accomplish, in His own time and in His way - all for our good and His glory!

To Fear or Not to Fear...That is the Question

Julia here. There has been a lot going on behind the scenes on the adoption front. We were thrilled to make our appointment to get our fingerprints done (March 15- woo hoo!) putting us just a few tiny steps away from finalizing our paperwork and being officially on the wait list...and then began to see disturbing bits of news out of Ethiopia. Apparently the Ethiopian government is taking steps to cut the number of adoptions they process daily by 90%, and has already begun that process. That seems to be all we know for sure - from what we are reading this could be permanent or temporary. Some comments we have read say this is politically motivated, some say it is to cut the work load of those in the office that processes adoptions. Some say it is an attempt to cut down on corruption within the adoption process. Very little seems to be known for sure!

For us, there is certainly the temptation to fear...of course we want our baby girl home with us as soon as possible! And we know there are hundreds, if not thousands of other children and families affected by this as well. I can truthfully say that so far, God has kept us from despair - we just aren't going there. I woke up early Sunday morning thinking about this whole situation, being a bit weighed down by the possibilities of what this means for us. I opened up the book of Isaiah and immediately read words that I believe the Lord put there just for me, for that moment. I realize that I am totally taking these verses out of context, but I still believe these words were for me!

"I (the Lord) will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save...Then all mankind will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob." (Isaiah 49:25-26)

I confess I left out the weird verse between these two about cannibalism - not exactly sure what God meant by that one! But the point is, I think God was reminding me that in this journey to our baby girl, it often feels like a battle. We are fighting to reach her, to take her out of a life of suffering and to bring her home. It has not been easy, and we haven't even begun the hardest part! But the Lord Himself is the one who called us to her, and He is the one who will save her. It is all for His glory...most definitely not for ours. We don't know the end of this story, but He does! I know there will be a day when we will look back with 20/20 vision and know without a doubt why He brought us here and what He was teaching us. In the meantime, we are learning where to put our hope. If we hope in the solution to this problem, we will be frustrated. If we hope in ourselves, it will be even worse! But if we hope in the Lord, we will not be disappointed (Isaiah 49:23). Learning to trust in Him alone is tough. I think in this situation in particular, I will have to continually take my thoughts captive & be obedient to him - with every new piece of news I will have to choose Christ instead of fear. And I believe He will continue to give us joy in every stage of this process if we let Him. You may have to remind me of that along the way :).

So, I know many of those who read this are not currently adopting, and may or may not relate to what we're going through specifically. But the question is there for you too - whatever you're facing today, you have a choice as well - to trust in the Lord (not just what He will do in your situation, but in HIM!), or to fear. What will you choose???

PS - We would love for you to join us in signing a petition to fight the decision by the Ethiopian government in the only way we can. We don't know if or how God will use this, but we want to make our voices heard!

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

Fingerprinting & Dancing

Corey here...

We were ecstatic yesterday to get our appointment for fingerprinting...mainly because it is only about 10 days out!  We had seen where one family received their date for fingerprinting and it was 8 weeks out, so you can imagine how we had been preparing ourselves for a much longer wait.  We (and several of our friends) have been praying that this part of the process would go quickly and we are thankful that it is.  So, we expect that a short time after we get fingerprinted, we will receive the final piece of paperwork that we need to be able to send our dossier to Ethiopia (DTE).  Once we go DTE, we will then officially go on the wait-list and the paper-chase part of our adoption will be complete.  Then the real waiting begins (currently estimated at 7-11 months) before we get a baby girl referred to us.  We are resting in God's timing to bring us the daughter He has chosen for our family.  We pray and are confident that during this time He will be preparing our whole family for the road ahead.  That doesn't mean that there aren't times when the waiting is tough and we have moments of sadness as we think of our baby girl being without us on the other side of the world.  But we try to remind ourselves to "be still and know that [He] is God."  Prayers for that are always welcomed and appreciated.

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and was recanting our "adoption story" to him.  I was explaining how at first we were really apprehensive and concerned about what God was calling us to do.  It was somewhat of a burden if I'm being honest.  But God is good and He does some amazing things.  He takes a burden and turns it into a longing and a passion.  We now feel like our family isn't complete and we really do ache for this little one to come home.  All praise to God for that kind of transformation!  If I'm also being completely honest, there are still moments when I think we are crazy.  But then when I stop thinking of the process, struggles and challenges for us ahead and really focus on that little girl; it's as true and right as it gets.

Switching gears here..

We had our first Father/Daughter dance last weekend at our church.  I took Emma and Addie and as you can see, they were looking so cute in thier fancy dresses.  They were really excited about it and so was I because I was going to to spend that night totally focused on them.  Our church did such an awesome job putting this on.  We had 3 different crafts, dinner, dancing, horse-drawn carriage rides and ice-cream sundaes.  It's hard to say what their favorite part was, but I think dancing to YMCA was a highlight.  I sure do love these girls - such a great night and memory for me.  I did have a moment when I was thinking that one day I'm going to have 4 dates on that night...I guess I'll be quite the ladies' man!

Progress and Presents!

Yesterday we FINALLY got to mail our I-600A form to the USCIS (for all our friends new to the adoption process, this is basically our application to the US government for their approval to adopt). It feels very momentous! It was not without a number of frustrating delays and setbacks - none that were anyone's fault, but annoying nonetheless. It honestly felt like there was some Satanic opposition in getting that stinkin' paper out of the door! Everything from the ridiculous ice storm that basically shut down our city for 5 days, to my social worker's e-mails suddenly going to my spam account without any explanation, to minuscule errors on our home study (ok, that was completely my fault), to my printer inexplicably being out of ink...every delay felt like someone was doing their very best to frustrate our efforts to get our baby home as soon as possible! It was a good opportunity to be reminded that God is so much bigger than this - that He is the One who called us to this, that it is all in His perfect timing, that His purposes will stand in spite of however it may seem on the surface. And despite all the setbacks & frustrating delays, the I-600A is in the mail and we are one step closer to our baby girl! For those who have asked what is next, we wait for a letter telling us when & where to get fingerprinted, then wait some more for our official approval from USCIS. Then, we can mail our dossier to Ethiopia & officially be on the referral list! It's so close I can taste it! But our experience has shown me that I need to be patient...this may take some time. We would appreciate prayers that there would not be any unnecessary delays & that we can move on to the next phase of this process - the true waiting. 

It has occurred to me the past few weeks that our baby girl may be born soon! Since we don't know exactly when we will get to bring her home, and we are going on the assumption that it is possible we could bring her home about a year from now (which may or may not be accurate!), and since we have requested a baby from 0-12 months old, it would follow that if she is not born yet, she will be soon. So many unknowns...it is hard to wrap my mind around it. I am trying not to dwell on the things I will be missing, and get excited about what is to come. 

Speaking of what is to come, I spent last weekend loving on my newest nephew, Becket. I resisted the urge to give into sadness that I won't get those snuggly moments with my newborn baby this time around - truly, I just enjoyed every moment of it. And, being the selfless person she is, I went to see my sister's new baby, and she gave ME gifts! I just had to share - 

 Isn't this necklace awesome?!? My sister ordered it through www.thevintagepearl.com. I'm a fan!

 Our first gift for our sweet baby girl! These are the softest blankets you will ever touch - have I said yet that my sister is amazing? Our baby girl will be so loved - and already is.

This one is actually from Corey (I might have hinted a bit that it would make a good Valentine's gift!)- you might just see a whole lot of adoption/Africa gear from me from here on out! I love the shirts from www.147millionorphans.com. I know many of you are familiar with them, but if you're not, check out their story and their products - they are truly inspiring and amazing women who are making an unbelievable difference in the lives of people in need. Plus, as a bonus, these are unbelievably soft & comfy! 

And after reading about all these products I just plugged, I should totally be getting paid for this :). 

God is good!

Julia here. So, I'm a little behind in posting this photo of our amazing night with some of our friends who are also adopting from Africa. I found out a few days later I had the flu, so I think I have a bit of an excuse (and I profusely apologize if anyone else got sick - I definitely wouldn't have come if I thought the flu was on its way!)! Anyway, I think all these precious friends posted this at least a week ago, but I just have to include it on our blog as well.

When we began this journey to adopt, I think we had some vague knowledge of one or two of these families adopting. As we became more serious about pursuing international adoption, we were blown away to find out that so many of our college friends were on this same path! It had been years since we had really been in touch with these friends, but reading the words they had written on their blogs resonated deeply within me. These are true kindred spirits - they understand in a way no one else can what this road is really like. So to have an opportunity to sit around & catch up with them, meet their children, and get to talk about our children who we have yet to meet was thrilling! The McCuistons, Jacobs, Cheathams and Tidmores are incredible families and I am so thankful to have them in our lives. Seriously, I keep looking at this photo and thinking, "God, you are SO good!" He didn't have to give us so many friends with the same heart for adoption. He didn't have to surround us with people whose families will look like ours! But His grace covers us, and His love continues to be so evident. I have no idea what the future looks like, but I'm pretty sure I will be depending on these friends for moral support in the days to come. I can't wait to see what this photo looks like in a year!

On a totally unrelated note, we are going on day 2 of being home for a snow day! And we just found out school has been called off tomorrow - I sure hope we survive so much togetherness :). But I have been more thankful than ever for a warm house and plenty of food to eat! The snow has kept us out of school, but much worse than that, it has kept us from being able to finalize our home study. We are waiting on a document from one of our doctors, which is ready, but which I am unable to get out to pick up...yet another frustrating delay in this long process! Hopefully next week we can get all the details covered & be able to send off our I-600A (our government approval form). S-L-O-W seems to be the most descriptive word for our paper pregnancy! I'm really trying to see this as an opportunity to be taught by the Lord, to not waste a moment - and I know I have a lot to learn. But we're coming baby girl! We think of her & pray for her often. She is constantly on our minds - every bit as much a part of our family as if she were growing in my tummy like her sisters did. It will just take a little longer to see her sweet face. But faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. And we have faith - in Jesus, and in His good plan for our family!

Why?

Corey here....When you tell people that you are adopting, you start getting all of the "why's."  It makes sense because people are curious and want to know your motivations and your decision process.  Well, the reality for us is that we don't have any complex or lengthy answers to all of these questions.  We didn't sit down and debate the merits of adopting domestically versus internationally.  We didn't have lengthy discussions about  what it would be like to bring another girl into our house compared to bringing in a boy.  We didn't do a lot of research on transracial adoptions and families before making a decision.  The truth of the matter is that we really believe that through the circumstances of our lives, that have no doubt been orchestrated by God, the One that gave us this calling spoke specifically about all of these things.  From the moment we began talking about adoption, both Julia and I knew that if we were going to do this it would be a baby girl from Africa.  We never even discussed anything else - we were both in perfect agreement on these things.  It really is pretty amazing when you think about how God has worked to bring both of us to the exact same place on such huge and difficult decisions to be made about who would join our family.  (Maybe a later post will describe more in detail some of the ways that we can look back now and see how he led us to the exact same place)

Ethiopia was about the only thing that we really discussed and not really even that.  When we began looking at where to adopt from in Africa, all that I recall seeing on any agency websites was Rwanda and Ethiopia.  Well, about the time we started looking was the same time that Rwanda was closing all of their adoptions to re-work their system/processes.  So, we really didn't have much of a choice other than Ethiopia if we were going to adopt from Africa.  Once again, God was working to bring our daughter home to us.

So, I write all of this to answer the questions of why.  The simple (yet complex) answer is that God called us to all of it very specifically.  I have seen various debates about adopting one child versus another.  We, and I imagine most of you, don't think that adopting any child from any country of any age or sex or race is a "better" choice than another.  There may be different callings or different reasonings, but each of these children was made by the Creator and are worth so much to Him.  Jesus' sacrifice proves it.

Our new daughter is already a precious gift to our family just like our other girls are.  I sat with Emma and Addie individually today and prayed over their new sister.  I love that they are so sweet and love to pray that she won't be sick, that she'll have food to eat, that she'll sleep well and that she won't cry too much.  She may not even be born yet and she is changing me already.  I can hardly make it through a worship service without tearing up thinking about her.  We just finished up our home study interviews this weekend and we're thankful that they went well and we're one step closer.  We continue to ask that you pray for us - specifically that this time that we are waiting be a time of preparing our hearts and our minds for bringing her into our family.  There is so much to consider from the huge things like transracial issues and attachment down to smaller things like how to help her transition from the jet lag when we come home and whether I should shave my goatee off so she won't be scared of me at first.  We're longing for her and trust God's timing in the process it takes to get her home.

Ramblings

It’s been a big couple of weeks at our house – the day after Thanksgiving we submitted all our many documents for our Home Study! And our baby girl turned two on December 2. Both seem like quite an accomplishment! We are now awaiting the call from our social worker to schedule the actual Home Study, and we are hopeful this will happen within the next couple of weeks. From what we understand this will consist of 4 interviews over 3 days, and a lot of the time will be spent being educated by our social worker about the process, answering our questions, and generally helping prepare us for adoption. I can’t wait to get this going! It has been a rather long process, and quite frustrating, considering there isn’t much we can do to speed things up. We are doing all we can do, as quickly as we can do it, but with all our responsibilities, we truthfully can’t dedicate every moment to the process like we would like to. The Lord has been teaching us a lot, even in these weeks of working and waiting on the process. Corey has reminded me several times when I have been frustrated that God has a plan for exactly the child He wants to be a part of our family, and nothing we can do (or not do) will change that plan. She will be ours, in His perfect timing. Trusting Him with the timing is hard. I have had many moments of being consumed by the process, the gathering of documents, filling out forms, reading required material, etc.  Balancing that with our three girls and my other responsibilities has been overwhelming. But, God is good, and just when I feel like I’m at a breaking point, He provides a way out. I got a chance to spend a few days with my mom & sister in Asheville, North Carolina in November for my sister’s 30^th birthday, and it was truly a breath of fresh air. The Lord knew I needed to get away from all the pressures my life, and enjoy time with people who know me best, with no expectations, no responsibilities. It was incredible (plus, it’s a beautiful and interesting place – you should check it out!). Corey was a champ for taking on all three girls for three days on his own. And I’ll brag on him a little – when I came home, the house was clean, laundry and dishes done! Guys, he has set the bar high!

This whole paper pregnancy is a difficult road to walk, and a little surreal. Having carried three babies, and right now getting to watch my sister and some dear friends in their pregnancies, I have been remembering what that feels like – the discomfort, the constant trips to the bathroom, the difficulty sleeping. But also the miracle of feeling your baby kick and move and grow! I got to watch my nephew rolling around in Holly’s tummy over Thanksgiving, and I can remember what that feels like as if it were yesterday. It’s just beginning to hit me that these are things I will not get to experience with baby Russell #4. Of course, I am not complaining about getting to miss the morning sickness and stretch marks; I am just beginning to feel a sense of loss in not going through those things with our baby girl.  I held my sweet friend Courtney’s baby boy a few weeks ago & fought back the tears the whole time. He was so precious and sweet as I held him while he slept, and I knew looking at him that most likely someone else will have those moments with my baby, and I will not. I pray that whoever holds her loves her, that whether it’s her birth mother or a nanny in an orphanage that they tell her how precious and loved she is. My heart breaks to think that she may not hear those things. I ache to have her with me, to make up for lost time…and yet, that day will probably still be at least a year in the making. How can a person long for someone they’ve never met??? Having only the promise, the hope of her is enough to make me love this baby girl like the ones to whom I physically gave birth! I keep reminding my girls that even though we don’t know much about our baby – when we will bring her home, how old she will be, what her name will be – God does. It is a comfort to know that He knows her name, her birthday, her entire life. I have never had to trust the Lord with so much, and though it is hard, I know He is growing my faith. Just this week in my Bible study God gave me some verses to encourage & challenge me:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:6-8

I have actually been quoting the first part to myself a lot these days, because quite honestly, there is a lot of temptation to anxiety right now. When I take my eyes off the Lord, when I listen to the voices of the world, I get can get anxious really fast. Seriously, from the world’s perspective, what we’re doing is crazy! And there are moments when I believe the world. So when I read verse 8 of this passage I was challenged to not only pray & relinquish my worries to the Lord, but to actively take my thoughts captive, making them obedient to Christ. I need to submit to Him, and think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent & praiseworthy. Our thoughts can be so powerful, and I want mine to honor the Lord. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

Lately, I find myself being forced to live in the moment, because each day is so full. I don’t have much time to plan ahead. I am more intentional with my time than I have ever been, but even so, there are so few moments to spare. There are good things about this. My prayer has been that I will do the important things and not neglect them, and that I will let go of the things that are really not so important. In that spirit, on Lila’s 2^nd birthday this week, the two of us spent a few hours alone together, just playing! I’m a little sad to say this is pretty rare. Usually there are two other sisters, and many responsibilities to compete for my attention. So a few hours of uninterrupted time was truly a gift! We read books, did puzzles, took a walk down our street, and laughed a lot. Two seems so big – she’s not such a baby anymore! I hope I don’t forget to take time to really see my kids for who they are. They are so beautiful and special, each in their own way. I love being their mom.

So these are the ramblings of my over-crowded mind! Life is so busy, but oh, so good. And each day brings us closer to making our family complete.

some thoughts from Julia

It's hard to even know where to begin to describe this journey we've been on that has brought us to this place. The past several months have been some of the most tumultuous, heart-wrenching times of my life. And yet, once we made our decision to adopt, I've never felt such peace in knowing we are right where we need to be. My heart has been broken again and again, both for the suffering of so many in this world of ours, and for my own ignorance and willingness to turn a deaf ear to the cries of hurting people. I could probably write a book about what the Lord has taught me about these things, but I will refrain (for now :))!

I wish that I could say that I always had a heart for adoption. So many of the adoption stories I have read speak of a life-long yearning to adopt a child, and that this is just the right time for them. But that is not my story. And to be honest, at first, it gave me pause as to whether this was a calling for me - after all, doesn't every child deserve to have parents that were always longing for them? That was just one among many reasons I listed as to why I should not do this. I wrote them down in my journal after we began discussing the possibility of adopting, and the list was long! My life is busy as it is...I was totally content with my 3 girls...sometimes the 3 I already have overwhelm me...I gave away most of my baby things...I don't think I have the energy for 4 kids...the list went on & on! Everything from the trivial (but I'm not good at keeping up with pictures/blogs/etc. for the 3 I have now!) to the truly daunting (me? raise a precious brown-skinned girl in my mostly vanilla world?) crossed my mind. But what the Lord kept showing me is that I was looking at what man can do, what I can do by myself. And He has me exactly where He wants me: needing Him to do what He calls me to do, giving Him all the glory because clearly none of it belongs to me.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9). Were my life up to me, I would be well on my way to having a little time for myself. Or at least that was what I had started looking forward to - next year, Lila would be in pre-school with Addie two days a week and I could finally do a little grocery shopping by myself! I could get laundry done and put away all in one day! I might even have lunch with a friend on occasion without wrestling someone into a high chair or trying to coax someone into eating her chicken nugget. And on an even holier note, I could finally have time to lead a Bible study or serve on a ministry (side note- God called me out of the blue to serve in leadership in a Bible study this year just a few weeks before we sensed the calling to adopt. I truly believe He was, in part, giving me an opportunity to test my obedience in a much smaller calling, before He allowed me to see what bigger things He wanted me to do for Him!). And to top it all off, as most of my friends and family can attest, I was clearly sooo done having kids. I love the precious girls I have, but they are not exactly a cake walk. Russell girls are nothing if not strong-willed and dramatic! But God has a way of changing our minds. And He's pretty persuasive.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

The words to that Proverb have been going around & around in my head for weeks now (actually, I've been singing those words to the tune of two different songs I've taught my kids!). I can't say that I completely understand how to trust in the Lord with all my heart, or what it means to acknowledge Him in all my ways, but I'm choosing to take steps of faith that show I believe His word to be true, and that His promises never fail. And God is faithful to grow my understanding of Him as I trust Him more! It occurred to me after weeks of reciting these words in my head and of reminding myself to trust Him, that one of the things He wants to teach me is at the end of that verse: He will make your paths straight. It doesn't say He will make your paths easy. It doesn't say He will make your paths popular or loads of fun. But He does say that He will make them straight. When we trust & acknowledge Him, He directs us, shows us the way to go, and walks with us on the path. And there is great comfort in that.  As we have begun this new chapter of our lives in adopting a baby from Ethiopia there have been many temptations to fear. But He is good to remind me that I fear when I start trusting in the world more than I trust Him. His mercies are new every morning...great is His faithfulness! I can't say that we have this whole thing figured out, or that we know what the next 12-18 months will hold. But I can say that it is remarkable how God can take a woman who was "so done" having kids and ready to move on to that next chapter in life that doesn't include diapers, and give me a longing for the baby girl who is most likely growing in the belly of a woman somewhere in Ethiopia right now. Knowing that she will likely spend several months of her life in an orphanage, without hearing me whisper "I love you" a million times a day and kiss her sweet cheeks like I did with my biological babies breaks my heart. But the thought that if I were to say no to adopting her, she would probably grow up never hearing it breaks my heart more. How could I say no, knowing that?

I know, lots of heavy stuff. But its been rolling around in my head for months, and it feels good to share it! Thank you to all of you who have been so supportive of us and excited about what God has in store for our family - we are so blessed to be in a community of loved ones who is on board & ready to take the ride with us!

PS - Don't you love our Go. Seek. Love. shirts?  Our friend's the Cox's are also adopting a baby girl from Ethiopia & sold these t-shirts to help bring her home. You missed your chance to get the shirts, but check out their blog to get some great coffee and support them! (And hopefully someday I'll get a picture of my whole family looking at the camera & smiling. Maybe.)